Thou Shalt Not Suffer A Snake to Live...

My Grandmother is pretty much the cutest thing on the planet.

She is really just adorable.

Ya know that baby otter picture that's making the rounds on Pinterest?*

She is even cuter than that.

I've never heard the woman raise her voice in anger. She refuses to talk bad about anyone. She is a champion braider. 

She's a giggler. She's full of mirth.

She's just a great big ball of cute.

But...

There is one thing she can not abide. 

And that thing is snakes. 

And I don't mean she is afraid of them. Oh no, she isn't scared of them, she's lethal around them!

Now before you go all judgmental on her, remember: You probably thought snakes were better off dead before you started watching Crocodile Hunter and Jeff Corwin, too.

Smokey Bear's Types of Snakes

My brother told a story once about being at her place in the country with his friends when she told them she had seen a poisonous snake. 

Now, she's short and very harmless looking. She has a nice Southern accent that makes her seem even more harmless. So they asked her "Well, what did you do when you saw it?"

They were probably thinking she was going to say she ran away or some such. 

But instead she just cut her eyes up at them and slowly said:

"Well, I just chopped it's head off with a hoe."

Elmira Wilson, snake killer.

A few years ago in April I was at her little cabin in the country sweeping off the porch with her when I saw a snake.

Now, I knew it wasn't poisonous so I didn't want to tell her about it because I just KNEW she would feel the need to kill it. 

I had one thing going for me though - I knew that there were no weapons around. After all, I was holding a broom and she was holding a mop.

Sure enough she looked over and saw it and said:

"Honey, is that a snake? I think I'm gonna need to kill it."

I said, "Oh, it's not poisonous. It'll just crawl away."

She looked troubled and said "No, I'm gonna need to kill it. My Daddy never could suffer a snake to live."

He could't suffer a snake to live.

Suffer a snake to live?

She then proceeded to...

Well, kill it. 

With the mop. 

Now, I'm not sure if you've ever seen a snake that's fresh out of hibernation before but they are s-l-o-w. Slow and dumb. 

And I'm not sure if you've ever seen a snake get killed with a mop before but it's u-g-l-y. Ugly and awful.

What can you say?

She can't suffer a snake to live.

She held that mop as adeptly as she held me in that picture.

So, snakes beware. 

She may look harmless, but she's not.