Have a New Wife by Friday...

As I traipse about from store to store looking for Christmas gifts I get kind of bumfuzzled by what I see.

Hey! Wait just a minute. 

Spell check doesn't like the word bumfuzzled.

In fact, it keeps trying to correct it into saying bum fuzzed. 

Um...

I don't even know what bum fuzzed could possibly mean.

Whereas bumfuzzled is most definitely a word!

Well, spell check...

I call foul on this one because dictionary.com has no problem with the word bumfuzzled or its Southern roots. 

According to it, bumfuzzled means to confuse. 

Are you confused yet?

I would be if I had to use the term bum fuzzed.

So here is what bumfuzzles me:

La La Loopsie. 

I thought these dolls were some sort of sick joke until they stated showing up on my nieces Christmas lists. 

Weird as a duck!

The dolls - not my nieces.

I know we had creepy toys as children too but this business is just strange. 

"There's nothing wrong with La La Loopsie or this fifth glass of punch I'm having."

She actually explained it to me this morning and her explanation makes sense. 

Alright, La La Loopsie. You have permission to land. 

You know, La La Loopsie may be a little different but it's not near as bad as this business:

I hope this whole prostitot thing is over by the time Stella gets old enough for it. 

I mean...

I don't know. 

I shouldn't judge Monster High. 

I really don't know anything about it. 

I just know Ken dolls with green mohawks and Barbies with fishnet stockings and mini skirts seem like an odd think for six year olds to play with. 

And while I'm bordering on being smarmy...

Let's look at other things that I don't understand.

Things like this book:

It's titled "Have a New Kid by Friday"

Now, this book may be great and Dr Leman may be the smartest guy ever but...

Here's the deal:

#1 How offensive would it be for your kid to walk in and see you reading this book? 

I mean...

And it's not like I'm all concerned about offending kids but...

My kids may act like brats occasionally but I don't want a new one. 

Well...I mean another one would be nice but not as a replacement for the ones I have.

Still not convinced?

Let's put it this way:

How would you feel if you walked in on your husband/wife reading a book entitled "Have a new wife/husband by Friday!"

It wouldn't go well.

Maybe I'm being too hard on poor Dr Leman.

Or maybe not.

All I know is that I don't want a Monster High doll for Christmas.

Or a new kid by Friday.

But I'd still like to know what bum fuzzed means.

Because as of now I'm just bumfuzzled by it.