Last week we finally got our snow and were rewarded further with a glorious two hour delay from school. It was lovely. I did feel kind bad though because the local elementary school across from our house was NOT on a delay and while we were sledding they were all mutinously trudging off to school.
I got a little weirded out when I saw that I had sent a text to James, my oldest, telling him school was completely cancelled. It wasn’t cancelled and I hadn’t sent the text. I thought there must be a ghost in the house until Hank admitted that he had woken up early and sent the text to James to trick him into thinking school was cancelled. Why? Why would he do that?
Mean spirited, vindictive, tricky tricky boy! I was so mad! James got mad at him too and physically picked him up and tossed him into the snow…in his underpants. I saw it happening and didn’t stop it.
And then I realized something pretty terrible. I’m the guard. Ya know that guard in Guardians of the Galaxy…Um, what do you mean it’s not the greatest movie in the history of the world? It is so!…the guard that looks the other way when Gamora, the heroine, is about to be murdered.
Or heck, any guard in any movie that looks the other way when someone does something bad.
I am supposed to be this child’s defender. Badly done, Paula. Badly done. Bonus points if you can tell me where the Badly Done quote is from.
Whew! This child. Y’all, I was flat out unprepared for the sheer volume of sports information that was going to be required of me when I had him. Watching a sporting event with this kid goes something like this:
“Mom, who is better Russell Westbrook or Kevin Durant?”
“I don’t know. I don’t follow the NBA.”
“Mom, just pick one.”
“Okay, Russell Westbrook.”
“What!? No way! How can you say that?!”
Every. Single. Sport.
And, heaven forbid, if I forgot to tell him about some sporting event that’s on. “How could you let me miss the Slam Dunk Contest? You’re supposed to be my Mother!”
So, I try to read the sports section and stay up to date. Heck, at least it’s something interesting. James was into Pokemon, and still is a little bit, and I couldn’t even feign interest in that. Good thing he moved on to comic books, because that I can handle.
Not to be weird but when James was a newborn I watched Buffy while I fed him at night. When Hank was a newborn I watched the short lived show Sports Night soooo…you can read into that what you will.
And, hey, if you live in North Alabama you know that that puny little snow we got last week was nothing compared to what we got this week! EIGHT WHOLE INCHES! Y’all it was amazing. We sledded and built snowmen and missed school and contemplated moving to Colorado because snow is the best thing ever.
Then I woke up this morning and was kind of over mittens and wet socks and slushiness and now I’m just thankful that I live in Alabama and know how to appreciate snow. Because all that business that goes with it is kind of a pain. And now I know why Northern Moms complain about it.
I mean, they don’t complain as much as this guy when he found out I forgot to tell him the Combine was going on but you get the picture.
