August fourth this year was not only Stella’s birthday but it was also the monthly meeting of a local blogging group I’m a part of it. Usually we meet at Amanda’s house from Kevin and Amanda. It’s a great opportunity to meet other bloggers, tell our funny stories, and, in my case, add another mortifying moment to my mental memoir.
Oh, yeah. Get ready for this little gem of a story because this ladies and gentleman, is the terrible true story about what happens when you tempt fate and anger karma by leaving your daughter on her birthday to go to a party.
Let’s back up, shall we.
A couple months into CrossFit I noticed I’d dropped 15 pounds…
I love how I wrote ‘I noticed’ – yeah, right – like I don’t weigh every morning. ‘I noticed’ my booty!
…which is problematic because it’s not enough to go out and buy a bunch of new clothes but it’s just enough to make things not fit.
Enter my size 18 shorts. Now, I know they are way too big but they are a good length and color so sometimes I still wear them.
The monthly meeting at Amanda’s was billed as a Smore’s Pool Party and I REALLY wanted to go. Even though it was on Stella’s birthday I figured I’d be gone an hour tops, Stella would hardly notice, totally worth it. Wore my shorts even though I knew they were too big but somehow thinking I could manage to keep them up with, oh, I don’t know, willpower. Occasionally I’d have to pull them up while I walked because, like I said, they’re too dang big. No big deal, I got this.
Yeah, you see where this is going don’t you…
The monkey is strong with me already, y’all know that. But when I’m around semi strangers and Madame Extrovert takes over my brain, it gets worse. So, sometime between me ogling the homemade birthday cake marshmallows…
…and salivating over the multiple options of sauces…
…my shorts fell off.
I mean flat out, honest to goodness, fell off my hips and landed at my knees, off.
Really now, nothing says ‘I’d love to impress these fancy bloggers’ like one’s navy Auburn underpants being shown to every girl at the party. War Eagle, y’all.
To make matters worse, I was holding a drink in one hand and a plate in the other so there was no yanking them up quickly. I had to try to bunny hop back to the table where I could set my stuff down before they ended up at my ankles.
Check please. Jane Random out. Karma will get you every time.
“I wish something really embarrassing would happen to Mommy today!”
Wish granted, kid.