They get so much worse...

...the resolutions I mean!

Yesterday, I blogged about an old journal I found with my New Year's resolutions from 1997 in it.

This is Part Two.

Here we go:

Its a good thing this was all a long time ago or it would be really embarrassing. 

Gulp.

Double gulp.

 Moving on to pages two and three of my New Years Resolutions from 1997.

Someone please burn this journal.

Number Ten:

"Keep my apartment clean (even my room!) - that means hanging up clothes, stacking books, and making my bed."

I like the exclamation point for 'even my room!' 

It's like I felt I deserved extra credit for keeping my room clean.

As for now, I do make my bed.

Um, it may be at 4 in the afternoon but that counts right!?

Does that count?

Eleven:

"Write letters! They are so much fun to get!"

Sheesh. Did I need to get out more?

Twelve:

"Wash face and brush teeth frequently. Also make sure to use face cream!"

Oh, my. 

My, oh my. 

Was it a problem?

I don't remember being gross.

Was I gross?

Why did I need to make that a new years resolution. 

Ewww...

Lets move on.

Thirteen:

"Look cute - that means no going to class in sweats. So make up and hair curled"

Again, with the grooming issues. 

My mom is going to laugh or groan at this one. 

Because, this one, its still a problem.

The five year old got on to me the other day for picking him up in pajamas. 

Um, hello they were 'work out' pants.

Fourteen:

"Present a consistent image (how about trying 'the real me') to all"

I have no excuse for this melodrama. 

It just was. 

Don't judge me. 

Fifteen:

"Read at least one 'good' book a quarter and cut down on romances."

Boring, move along. 

Sixteen:

"Guard my tongue! That means no more 'sessions' with Rusty and Laura Lee!"

Who knew we were such gossips? 

Man, I should feel really bad about that now. 

Rusty and Laura Lee, I command you to now feel bad about our gossip.

I'm sure whatever we were gossiping about was truly newsworthy. 

Seventeen:

"Accentuate the positive in a non sticky way"

That sentence is sticky.

Eighteen:

"Quit telling white lies - that means no more embellishing the truth"

Eh...I'm working on it. 

Nineteen:

"Act like a lady at all times in public - we know what that means."

Um, no we don't.

What the heck did I mean?

What was I doing?

And whats with the 'in public'? 

Apparently, behind closed doors I could act any ole way I wanted. 

Help. 

Twenty:

"Keep up with the world - that means making an effort to watch the news, listen to NPR etc."

Boring, move on.

On to page three:

Twenty one:

"Expand my tastes in music - that means paying attention to what NPR says about music (classical, that is)"

Wow. I was really into NPR. 

Don't worry I'm sure no classical music was harmed by my five minute foray into its world. 

Twenty two:

"Get some poise! That means walking like a lady and sitting up straight - also having great manners (eating slowly and the like)"

And the like indeed. 

What the ?

Was I ?

Why was ?

I have no answers. 

Again, why did this need to be part of my resolution?

 I was 20 when I wrote these. 

My Grandmom had been married for four years by the time she was twenty!

Would she have needed to remind herself to 'eat slowly'

I need a moment...

Alright, last but not least.

Twenty Three:

"Follow 'The Rules' because I know they really do work!"

In case you don't remember:

The Rules was a book that all men hated about...

Well it was basically about how to land a man. 

I know plenty of feminists hated it and I'm all for women's rights. 

But...

...this is a picture of me:

...holding my engagement ring. 

So...

Boo yah! I landed one! He's a good un too!

There is no Twenty Four although I think I'll add one posthumously:

Twenty Four:

Never write resolutions again.